When was the last time you had sex?
I know, such a brazen question to ask, right? But YOU need to ask yourself and if the answer is anywhere near “ I don’t remember”, then you and your partner have a problem.
Intimacy issues are common in a marriage but a complete abstinence from sex can be very harmful to the relationship. The reality of a sexless marriage can be downright devastating for those living in a marriage without intimacy.
A sexless marriage is simple to understand, hard to fathom. It’s a marriage between two people who have stopped having sex, simple. But why? How? And until when?.These questions can get the better off you and your partner. So to understand how no sex affects your married life, let’s dig deep.
Intimacy between partners is of utmost importance. A healthy physical and emotional relationship between lovers are necessary for the survival of the marriage.
Impacts of a sexless marriage
Lack of intimacy between partners can be the cause of many problems. Lack of sex affects both the partners negatively. Trust me when I say this there is NO positive effects of withholding sex.
In men, it can be the reason for frustration and anxiety. Lack of sex also leads to the man questioning his self-confidence and his insecurities start to sink in.
The main reason for this is because men connect sex with physical pleasure mostly. For them, sex is a way of expressing their love, affection and also subsequently they connect it with their ego, their sexuality on the basis of whether they can perform well. Once that stops they start to doubt their confidence and become insecure.
In women, lack of intimacy does affect negatively but not always in the same way. Women tend to connect sex to an emotional level. That does not mean that they don’t crave for physical pleasure but it’s just the social programming in both the sexes. For women, lack of intimacy affects them emotionally. They connect sex with affection and so if the sex is missing they equate it with withdrawn love from their partner.
How to fix lack of intimacy
The biggest step you have to take is to address the issue with your partner. Confrontations in any relationship are difficult. Especially when the issue is this sensitive. Partners don’t always own up to an issue. Your partner can still be in denial. It is your job to make them understand that this issue needs to addressed and immediately.
Don’t play that blame game. Lack of intimacy is something where both partners play an equal role. So you cannot jump into the problem by blaming your partner and expect them to understand. You both are equally liable and so both of you together have to make it through.
Discuss openly your inhibitions and needs with your partner. How did you both get here and what should be your next step from this point on. You both need to be on the same page to at least turn the page over and start new.
Step by step, start afresh. Reignite the love. And I don’t mean jump on the bed right then and there. Take baby steps-like holding hands in public, looking into each other’s eyes, cuddling while watching a movie. These small steps are crucial when you are starting afresh. Because you are back to square one so need to do all those little things when you started dating your partner.
Experiment with your sex life. Once you’re trying to mend the relationship, you have to be open to new things. Don’t be scared to tell your partner about your fantasies and also don’t judge them for theirs. Be open to sex toys and role plays. It often helps in reigniting burnt flames.
Plan holidays with your partner. Only the two of you. You don’t have to go to a very expensive holiday if you can’t afford one, small picnics together can also prove very fruitful.
The main goal here is to realize that you both need to reinvent your marriage. Your old ways need to go out of the window and you both need to experience something new. Something worth holding on to.
Can sexless marriages survive?
This is a very valid but also a very complicated question. In quite a few cases, where culture and society plays a very important part in the marriage, sexless marriages may not be a reason for separation. Especially in India, where divorce still is looked down upon, people may not consider lack of intimacy as an option for separation also. It’s true, those marriages survive, but to be honest, it is hollow from the inside. Because with time, those couples don’t even address this issue, live in denial and ultimately simply live like roommates. This is very sad, and everybody should know that discussing these issues should not be a big deal for a married couple who have been intimate before.
Sexless marriages can lead to depression and anxiety if not taken seriously. Try and discuss with your partner your problems and if it doesn’t work, the best advice I can give you is to talk to a good sexologist or a sex therapist. Professional help can give you the solution you are looking for.
I hope I could solve your doubts and issues. But if you still need help don’t be afraid to email me. We believe in 100% privacy.